Sandra and her family attend the Moonlight Ball and share their story of ECS’ impact on their lives. May 2024.
Sandra had already raised four children, but nine years ago, she was unexpectedly tasked with raising two of her grandchildren, years after her kids had left the nest. Isabella and Isaac came into Sandra’s life and were in her words, “a gift from God.” Even so, the situation was not easy. “Basically, it was like starting over 23 years later,” Sandra said. “And I’m older, when you’re physically older it’s hard. You don’t have the same physical energy.”
One of Sandra’s daughters was diagnosed with severe and visible mental illness when she was very young. When she reached her late twenties, Sandra’s daughter also developed a substance use disorder (SUD). Between her mental illness and SUD, “she went downhill fast,” as Sandra put it. Due to her destructive behavior, she was no longer able to live at home with her mother.
“She told me she was pregnant, but I looked at her and all I saw was a very skinny person. I didn’t believe her,” Sandra said. A few months later, however, Sandra received a call from her daughter in labor and Isabella was born. Child Protective Services was called, and Isabella went to foster care. “I applied to get her, but it took about four and a half months because I was living in a big house, and I was renting rooms, so everybody had to be cleared,” Sandra said. In the meantime, Sandra visited Isabella with her foster mom, working to forge a bond with her granddaughter.
Sandra acquired custody of Isabella, but another surprise was close behind when 15 months after Isabella was born, Sandra’s daughter gave birth to a second child — Isaac. Isaac also went to foster care, but because he went to the same foster mom as his sister, Sandra was able to get custody in just nine days.
Suddenly a mother again, Sandra needed help. She asked her social worker for recommendations and ECS Head Start was suggested. “My thing was the expense of childcare and a trustworthy place to take my children, because I always had that fear. Even with my other kids, I was afraid to leave them with strangers,” Sandra explained. Because foster children count as “no income,” Isabella and Isaac were able to attend Head Start free of charge, alleviating financial stress. Head Start also met Sandra where she was in terms of trust. “I felt a trust in that woman [at Head Start Home Base] immediately. I mean I worked at U.S. customs; I think I’m pretty good at reading people. But I trusted her right away,” Sandra said.
Isaac (front row, second from the right) recieved support from Home Based Head Start along with his sister. *May 2024.
Head Start provided free trustworthy childcare, but Sandra was struck by the ways in which the program went above and beyond those basics. “[The teacher] helped me with everything, she helped me with teaching her how to eat properly, to the basic manners, helping potty train her,” Sandra said.
Sandra’s grandchildren attended Head Start for five years, starting when Isabella was a toddler and Isaac was just an infant. “The biggest thing I wanted was trust, my child to be happy, and my child to learn. And I felt all those needs were met,” Sandra said. She described how Head Start helped Isabella and Isaac learn good behavior, establish a routine, and get excited to go to school. The center even helped Sandra’s children learn to brush their teeth and use eating utensils. “They were happy,” she said. “When you work, and you take your child somewhere you want them to learn and be happy.” By the time the two children went to kindergarten, they were prepared. Sandra shared that the T-K teacher at their new school commented “‘I love Head Start kids... they behave, they already have the basics.’”
Head Start made an important difference in the lives of Sandra and her grandchildren. But life was still not entirely smooth sailing. Sandra and the teachers at Head Start noticed that Isaac seemed behind in his development. Sandra explained that it took him longer to sit, walk, and talk. He would scream to express himself and he even lashed out at a teacher and another student. Head Start evaluated Isaac and after hearing their family story and background, he was recommended to therapy. Head Start connected Sandra and her grandchildren to ECS Para Las Familias (PLF) and they signed up.
Sandra and Isaac began working with Eladia, a PLF therapist. Isaac enjoyed therapy and “I noticed he matured,” Sandra said. “I was able to use the tools that Eladia showed me.” Although he started out frustrated with his inability to vocalize himself, “with the work and time he became able to calm down and to share,” Sandra said.
Isaac made progress through his sessions, but Isabella needed help, too. Other children had started asking Sandra’s children questions about their family situation, putting them in a confusing situation. Other kids wanted to know why they lived with their grandma, why they had a foster mom, and why they got visits from their biological mom. But Isabella did not know the answers to these questions. “She was very confused about all this and adults talking and not understanding her story,” Sandra explained.
PLF helped Isabella gain confidence in herself and understanding her family. May 2024.
Eladia told Sandra to gather all the pictures she had of the kids in the hospital, with the foster mom, with Sandra’s family, and with their biological mother. Sandra brought the pictures to PLF and described how Eladia “had these two blank books, and she wrote ‘my story’ for Isabella, and ‘my story’ for Isaac, and she put [the pictures of them] with their mom in the hospital, with the foster mom, the steps, and why they were not able to live with their mother.” Now, Isabella can confidently understand her situation. “Isabella’s not embarrassed, she’s very open,” Sandra said. “[Her friends] introduce me to their mothers they go ‘this is Isabella’s grandma. Isabella’s adopted.’ They all know.” Sandra expressed relief that she can openly discuss anything going on with her family without worrying what Isabella will overhear. “I can see that she’s more compassionate, more understanding,” Sandra said of her granddaughter.
The photo albums were so impactful that Sandra shared the strategy with the grandparents' group she is a part of and encouraged them to also embrace honesty with the grandchildren they are raising. She explained that with the help of PLF, “[The children] are happy and well-adjusted even though they’re not with their bio mom.”
PLF aided Sandra’s grandchildren in learning to share, cope, and understand. “All of that helped a lot,” Sandra said. “It gave me tools to guide them.”
Recently, Sandra discovered that Isaac has anxiety. Sandra described how he was afraid of water, going to the bathroom alone, and trying new activities. His anxiety hindered his ability to participate and enjoy himself, and he even stopped eating enough. Sandra took Isaac back to PLF and together they worked with child and family therapist Margarita McFadden to learn coping strategies. Sandra now has the tools remind Isaac “stop, take a minute, breathe, calm down.” Over time, Isaac gained more confidence, became more open, and displayed more affection. “Now he’ll even put his feet in the ocean which he would never even go close to, but now he does,” Sandra said.
PLF will continue to be a rock for Sandra and Isaac, as she has decided to enroll him in therapy every other year to help support him as he continues to grow. “I found it very very helpful, and you know, with anxiety, it’s never going to go away,” Sandra remarked.
ECS gave Isabella and Isaac the foundation they need to succeed. *May 2024.
PLF made a big difference in Sandra’s family. She has applied the tools she’s learned at PLF with her other grandchildren, advised her other daughter to take her son to therapy, and recommended PLF to several families in her grandparents’ group. Sandra explained that PLF’s impact will be lifelong:
“In the back of my mind always now is that I’m going to be 66 in May. And [Isabella and Isaac] are eight and nine. So, in 10 years I’ll be 76 and they’ll be 18... their chance of me living until they’re past 30 will be a miracle. So, I need to do what I can to make them strong, confident,” Sandra said.
Sandra hopes that the lessons learned through PLF and Head Start will be lifelines for her grandchildren that will serve them even when she cannot.
While her grandchildren attended Head Start, Sandra attended parent meetings for several years. Eventually, Head Start came to her when the ECS Board of Directors was in search of a Head Start parent to join the board. Sandra kept it simple: “I really loved Head Start for a lot of reasons, so I said ‘yeah.’”
After joining, she explained how she wasn’t aware of the many programs under ECS. “I thought ‘wow, this is exciting.’ They run all these programs and I really felt like Head Start was a savior to me in a couple of ways. One, the childcare, the saving on expense of childcare. The fact that I felt comfortable and happy, and that my kids were safe, learning... I could see my kids were happy,” she said.
Sandra enjoyed her two and a half years on the board, where she was able to share her firsthand experience as a Head Start parent, helping current parents and aiding the board in their decisions. Sandra continues to give back to ECS by serving on the Behavioral Health Committee, sponsoring a family in ECS’ annual Family-to-Family, and serving a dish at the CERRC Thanksgiving luncheon.
Sandra commented that “I feel that the more people that love your baby, the better.” At ECS love and generosity is always prioritized with clients. Whether they be an infant at Head Start, an adult seeking SUD treatment, or anything in between, ECS offers support for community members.
ECS’ mission is to break barriers and transform communities. Through children’s services, drug and alcohol treatment programs, and homeless services, ECS aims to uplift those in the San Diego community and strive for a brighter future. For more information on ECS or any of the individual programs visit www.ecscalifornia.org.
*Caption dates may not be exact.