Antonio and Alexander play and learn during a therapy session at PLF. August 2023.
SAN DIEGO – Parenting is simultaneously one of life’s greatest gifts and one of the most terrifying tasks that can be bestowed upon someone. Raising a child is complicated and can be scary, especially when you’re doing it alone. Alexander, a 64-year-old single father, has been raising his 5-year-old son Antonio on his own since Antonio was just a few days old. Their situation has not always been easy, but they have found incredible support in Para Las Familias (PLF).
After working with their therapist and attending classes the father and son have formed a bond of trust. August 2023.
Alexander and his son have attended therapy and classes at PLF for about a year, and their therapist, Melissa Donate, spoke on the inspiring improvements they have made. When she met Alexander and Antonio, both had difficulty expressing their emotions and communicating. Alexander was closed off emotionally — what one may think of as a very stereotypical man — and Antonio had tantrums and behavioral issues, which Alexander did not know how to handle. Thankfully, a doctor directed them to PLF.
The positive impact PLF has had on them is clear; Alexander smiled wide while sharing that in the 12 months he and his son have been at PLF, “I don’t regret it one minute.”
The father and son have formed a trusting and communicative relationship through their family therapy sessions and Alexander’s parenting classes at PLF. And Alexander never misses an opportunity to further their progress. “We’re coming back tonight,” he said, sitting in a PLF therapy office at that very moment.
PLF works to create security between parent and child, a crucial factor in development. “Our program focuses a lot on attachment,” Donate explained. “How you grow up, if you grow up to be anxious, it has to do with attachment. With families, parents, and children, the most important thing they forget to focus on is the relationship. That’s one of the main things we work on here.” Alexander and his son show the powerful change the focus on relationships can bring.
Alexander also expressed how much the parenting classes and the presence of other parents have helped him as a single father. Entering the parenting course, Alexander realized, “I’m not the only one out there… especially seeing the single moms… and what they have to go through. I’m not alone.” The parents at PLF have formed a support system among each other, encouraging one another to come to class and continue learning together.
Together, the parents at PLF have learned how to communicate and understand their children. “We thought they were just acting out, but no, they’re not acting out; it’s their way of communicating to us,” Alexander explained. “We learn to understand when they’re crying, why they’re crying. They’re not crying just to be bratty,” he laughed. “They’re crying because something is really bothering them, or something is not right. They want that security, to be hugged and told it’s okay.”
Since starting therapy and classes at PLF, Alexander’s mindset as a parent has blossomed. He spoke earnestly, explaining how he’s learned to understand his son. Alexander explained that when his son gets upset, “he’s not doing it intentionally. They’re children. I learned to have more patience with him. More understanding.” Now, when Antonio makes a mess or a simple mistake, his father tells him, “It’s okay… we can clean it up together.”
Alexander pridefully shared that Antonio has just started kindergarten and is making many friends. Not only is he excelling in the classroom, but he also openly displays love and trust toward his father, which made Alexander beam just talking about it. “My son has had an advantage that other kids haven’t had,” Alexander stated. And to Alexander, that advantage could mean a world of difference for Antonio’s future. “You never know; he could be the president. He could be the mayor,” he said. “Just from this program, the things he learned, the opportunity he had to come here… my son is getting the best.”
Parenting is rewarding but hard. And there is no instruction manual on how to do it perfectly. But Para Las Familias gives caregivers like Alexander the support they need to do their best. “The parenting tools now that I have in place, and the therapy I have in place have made a world of difference in my life,” stated Alexander. For more information, visit Para Las Familias — Episcopal Community Services (ecscalifornia.org).